Sunday, sipping coffee, listening to music that should improve my brain.
Good medicine to counter my tequila-logging it last night.
Had a fitful sleep.
Because of too many margaritas, because of the mess in my room, because of calling myself stupid.
And then I made a conscious decision to be conscious of life from now on.
It is hard to sleep after that.
I had been trying to bend the world to my ideals and there is no surprise that it doesn't work.
I have not sleptwalked through my life thus far.
I have lived.
I have chosen paths less traveled.
I have callouses.
They are inside and outside and too many to count.
I love them.
I have friendships that are deep, honest and safe havens.
I don't like to give insincere embraces.
I have witnessed the backstabbings these give access to.
The people in my life have accumulated in spite of being (or because I am) a proud sea urchin.
Happy my poison spines keep a distance until, I feel I have found someone who will protect my tender side as I would theirs.
As I have aged, the spines have lengthened and multiplied.
I will have to shed some.
My foot grazed the leg of a brutal youth last night. His long legs were outstretched so the widest strider would trip.
He demanded an apology.
I did not comply.
I replied he got want he wanted by not being considerate of others.
He was huge.
I was drunk and spunky.
He spoke to me. I pretended to listen to my mp3 player.
He ranted to his pals, and they got off at the next stop.
But one of his gang apologized for his friend's behavior and he hoped that I would not judge the rest of them.
I lost the battery cap to my mp3.
I can't find a library book.
And I wonder if this is payment for not behaving better last night.
I could have apologized.
The brute became more of a brute.
And that is what I wanted.
Making me a brute too.
