I fortunately work in a restaurant in which the owner, in order to safeguard his waiter's gratuities, has allowed us add an 18% tip on the checks of foreigners. When we do this it is clearly marked on the bill. On rare occassions a customer will question this, and demand the tip to be removed. When this happens we deal with these people calmly and kindly which strangely causes them to reveal more of their total asshole being. The few times the tip has been taken off it is by a sweet waiter of mild temperment who suffers from post tramatic stress disorder.
So, a couple days after Xmas I was bartending and a Japanese woman sat at my bar. She spoke in a thick accent and read a book that was written in Japanese. She drank a bottle of Pinot Grigio and before she finished her final glass she asked for a menu and ordered a salad appetizer followed by the pasta special of the day. When she asked for the check, I questioned adding the tip. I was still filled with the season's feeling of giving and good will. But logic soon rode to my rescue waving a banner saying, "January is coming!" January is the slowest month in my restaurant as it is in many others. Her check was close to $60 and the tip on it could treat me to a movie or pay off 1/50th of my Visa bill.
Side rant:
I have been in this business long enough to know the facts of its life. At least 70% of foreign tourists do not tip. Most of these nontippers enter a restaurant with a guide book in hand which is sure to have a section about tipping. I have friends who have come from all over the nontipping parts of the world, these friends have friends and family that deliberately do not tip because they know they can get away with it here. It isn't a malicious act. It is selfish and cheap because they see it as saving a buck. They don't see that they are directly affecting someone's take home, that they are refusing to pay someone for a job that has been done for them. How would they feel if their employer told them, "I need some extra money so I am not gonna pay you this week." In my rough estimate Nontipping/badtipping foreigners cost a waiter a week's pay in a year.
End of Side Rant.
So I added the tip. No big deal really. Just a wish that in a perfect world populated with decent people I wouldn't have to. I took her money and placed her change in front of her. What do you know but sweet, smiling, silent Japanese lady speaks sharply. "Did you think I was a tourist?" she says closing her Japanese book, with her, I repeat, very thick accent. Knowing that she is remarking about added tip, I explain the restaurant's policy as if I was explaining long division to my niece, my only intent is to get my point across as benignly as possible. She is still insulted by my assuption that she didn't know how to tip.I tell her that it was not my intent to insult her and I am sorry she feels that way. I explain we get a lot of tourists. That even she had admitted that her English was not very good. I add that she must understand how I could have assumed that she was one. I think I can turn this around by asking her to help me, maybe she can give me some advice on how to tell the difference. This request is legitamate not as patronizing as it reads. She is still insulted, and says I should have known she had been living in New York for 2 years. I ask her sincerely, "How?"She stops and thinks and then says, "You could have talked to me."
"You were reading. It would be rude to disturb you. You made no indication to me that you wanted to chat."
"You should have known." she repeated. Then she added,"You should also know I have worked in a restaurant."
"Then you should know that people that are not from this country rarely tip. Right?"
"Yes. It is true. But I know to tip and you should have known that. You should know the difference."
This conversation travelled in a spirograph that was dizzying and only caused more frustration for both of us. By the way--I,in writing her side of the conversation, am not writing it as she actually said it. If I did I would feel catty and it would seem to demean her. She wasn't stupid. Just stubborn and self-righteous but then so am I. She left stating that we should change our policy, adding that she would have tipped more.
However, as any server with experience knows, most people that say they would have...WOULD NOT!
People that will tip over an added tip do it without complaining, without a question and sometimes without a word and only a wink and a smile.
